Are You Better Off?
Well, we knew it was coming for quite some time. Today, that is, the five year anniversary of the worst tragedy ever on American soil. Over 3000 people lost their lives on that day, including over 2900 at the World Trade Center. There were others at the Pentagon and still others somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.
It was one of those rare events that some of us have experienced in the past; you know, the kind you will remember for the rest of your life exactly where you were and what you were doing at the precise moment you heard the news. The day the atomic bomb was dropped. The day Pearl Harbor was attacked. The day Kennedy was shot. For me, the day I heard about the Columbine High School shootings, as I lived only 65 miles from the school. And the day that the terrorists invaded America.
I know that you can still remember where you were on that day. I was with my wife in Reno, Nevada. We were at a real estate convention for the franchise that we owned. I remember seeing the buildings burn and then collapse under the heat of it all. I, like you, sat there glued to the television in shock and unbelief. "Would anything ever be the same?" I wondered.
Today, as we remember this day that shall join the other infamous days of America, the news people all seem to be asking the same question, "Are we any better off today than we were five years ago?" And of course, they ask this with security issues in mind. We can only hope that we are, however, I admit that I have my doubts.
But my mind takes that same question and turns it in a different direction. "Are we any better off today than we were five years ago?" But I ask that in a spiritual sense. I remember very vividly where I was physically five years ago. It is not so easy to remember where I was spiritually. The thought comes to my mind, "Am I better off spiritually today than I was five years ago?" And while it is hard to answer that question with an exact accuracy that could prove it to anyone other than myself, I have to say, "Yes", I am better off spiritually today than I was five years ago.
I think back over various times of my life where I hate to admit it, but there was no forward progress in my spiritual life. There have been times when I was too consumed with my own selfishness that the cause of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit in my life was not at the top of my list of priorities. It has been times like these, and others, where I have discovered that there are two main enemies to the work of God in my life; one is called "selfishness", and the other is called "compromise". "Selfishness" is definitely the leader of the twosome as "compromise" only seems to show up when "selfishness" is already there, and it seems like "selfishness" never likes to work alone as he always invites "compromise" to join him, albeit after he has begun working his craft. These two friends are without a doubt, enemies to the kingdom of God. And yet, there are times when I not only let them into my heart, but I invite them. Along with Paul, I find myself doing that which I do not understand and I long for the day where that will no longer be an issue.
But back to the question, "Am I better off today than I was five years ago?" Without a doubt, I am not where I should be, or even where I want to be. But also without a doubt, I am not where I was.
I would say that I have learned at least three things in the past five years of my life. The first is that my Christianity is not about performance, it is about obedience. So many times we look at our Christianity as a performance. We either applaud ourselves when we do something that we should have done in the first place, or we condemn ourselves for doing something that we should not have done. Though God never condemns us (Rom. 8:1), we are quick to condemn ourselves. Maybe that is because we never really believed that our relationship is all about grace. Or maybe we never totally believed it anyway. We have always known about grace, but my guess is that it may be more of an intellectual knowledge than an experiential knowledge. To understand that my relationship is not a performance is to understand that it is not about me AT ALL. Ever. Zip. None. Zero. Notta (not a real word but it communicates). And we Christians, though we claim to know that, live like we don't. Always being willing to go back for seconds at the table of "guilt", we help ourselves to an abundant serving at times, thinking that we deserve it. In doing so, we make it about performance instead of about grace.
The second thing that I have learned is there is a very appropriate place for aggressiveness in my Christianity. I do not quite understand how I could have missed it for so long, or that the church in general never seemed to raise the issue to its rightful place. I think it is because the idea of an "aggressive Christianity" is objectionable to many who have sung so long about the "Fairest Lord Jesus" whom we Americanize when we see as blond and blue eyed; the most desirable traits of Hollywood, or the "Sweet Hour of Prayer" which when we think of "sweet", we also think of "feminine". Modern Christianity has taught us to emulate Jesus' compassion for the hurting, but to shun His righteous indignation for those who oppress the hurting. When this happens, we are guilty of picking and choosing what we find to be pleasing and what we find to be objectionable in the gospel. However you see Jesus, if you miss His aggressive side, you've missed Him. In fact, God so aggressively loved us that He gave. Even as we exemplify the life of Mother Teresa for her Christ-like compassion, we fail to mention her aggressive nature by which she fought the dragons of disease and desolation in the streets of Calcutta, India, thereby showing all of us what it meant to genuinely love in Jesus name. There is definitely a time and a place for aggressiveness in our Christian lives.
For me, I have learned that my aggressiveness is not to be aimed so much outside of my life, at least for now, as the inside. I am learning to be aggressive for my own heart's sake, to fight for my heart more than I fight for my rights, to aggressively pursue the One who calls me not to victory, but to obedience, to begin to cast off the spiritual laziness of an all too comfortable American soul and strive to conform to His image, though it costs me more than I want to pay. And there are still times when I try to negotiate with Him like He were a street vendor in Mexico, who would be happy to even get close to his asking price, but never really expecting the price he asks. My aggressiveness calls me to pursue Him when I am tired and to seek Him when I want to go to bed, and although I am not as obedient as I would hope, I hear the call, and sometimes I respond. Over and over in the Old Testament, we see God testing (yes TESTING) the Israelites to see if they were willing to be obedient to Him. Our temptations are simply opportunities to prove that our love for Him is real. You see, how we live our lives is our real worship far more than what we do on Sunday mornings. True, He never tempts us, but He often tests us. Just do a search on the word "test" if you don't believe me.
The third thing that I have learned over the past five years is that my freedom from the "self life" is a process. In our age of instant everything, we have come to mistakenly believe that God wants to instantly deliver us from all of our bad habits and old ways of life that have held us captive every bit as much as the ball and chain hold the prisoner captive. Don't get me wrong, God wants us to be free. He just isn't going to do it all for us. We believe that because salvation was free, freedom should be free too. But just as our political freedom is not free, nor has it ever been, neither is our spiritual freedom. In fact, it too is very costly. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said that, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him to come and die." Jesus said, "If anyone wants to follow me, he must deny himself..." You see, freedom has never been free. And so we pray amiss when we pray, "Lord, deliver me" and believe that ALL of our deliverance lies within His hands. We pray correctly when we pray, "Lord, help me to fight my battles in the strength you have already given me." In Judges 6:14, God told Gideon to go in the strength he already had. Like many of us, Gideon was waiting for God to give him what He had already given him. He tests us, by the things that tempt us, to see if we want Him or if we want our temptations more. The one we choose is the one we love. So no matter how we "worship" on Sunday mornings, our Monday - Saturday worship is much more important to God.
I'm afraid I will fail as much as I succeed. Sometimes more. Though I desire to walk in complete freedom from the two enemies (selfishness and compromise) that at times seem to have my number, I am learning to keep my eyes on the prize and my heart on my King. I'm not there yet, but I'm not where I was five years ago.
And my question to you is, "Are you any better off today than you were five years ago?" Have you grown in Christ or are you still where you were? Are you wrapped up in your performance or are you training for your obedience? Are you fighting for your heart or fighting for your rights? Are you pursuing freedom or are you hoping for it? Are you waiting for strength, or are you walking in it? Are you asking for deliverance or are you taking up the weapons of warfare? Are you waiting on God, or is God waiting on you?
9-11-06